How to save the green to make more room for the gold

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March 14, 2017

Patrick O’Brien

     You college students never seem to know how to keep your financial affairs in order.

     You need events to tell you how to take care of your credit score, how to avoid overspending and even then you end up thousands of dollars in debt.

     Take a little advice from someone as old as me: Don’t spend your money.

     You can spend your days wishing away all your problems. It’s what I have done for centuries, and it works just fine for me.

      Now you may be wondering what to do with all this newly collected cash. Bills are flimsy and so easily damageable.

     I suggest reverting to gold coins. They are much easier to take care of and significantly easier to count than small American coins. Who uses pennies anyway?

     You don’t want to leave it in all in a bank because you can never trust the system. They always take little pieces here and there.

     “Taxes” they say.

     It’s better just to keep all your gold on your person.

     A wallet is going to be too flimsy to carry it in. Better use something stronger, like a large vat. If you don’t have enough to fill a vat, perhaps use a cooking pot. It is more practical anyway.

     Carrying around gold can be a bother, so make sure you hide it somewhere no one can find it. Do not even think about hiding it under a mattress. Every good thief looks there first.

     Hide it somewhere remote, and then leave a trail that only you know where it leads. The trail should be obvious and out in the open; that way, no one will suspect a thing.