Feb. 8, 2016
NOTE: This article is intended as satire.
Significant others everywhere will soon start a search to find the best place to take a date.
Look no farther than our own campus for a few great Valentine’s Day recommendations.
There is a secret goldmine of dates hidden within this city, underneath the bosom of the bluffs. No, not the Sunbird Restaurant or a nice evening stroll through Palmer Park.
I am talking about our lovely campus and the incredible amount of options available to students looking for that perfect date.
These romantic spots are just within walking distance of our wonderful parking garage:
A picnic with Clyde
You have all seen the statue perched in the plaza outside University Center, but did you know the marble mountain lion also provides the perfect atmosphere of intimacy and romance?
Grab your favorite blanket, basket and sandwich and enjoy a beautiful environment of delight underneath the loving gaze of our beloved mascot.
Book a date at the bookstore
The campus bookstore gets a bad rep for overpriced books, long lines and an inability to understand basic principles of inventory.
But our bookstore does provide one of the hottest spots on campus for that hot date.
Relax in the corridors of overstocked textbooks, reading excerpts from the most expensive book you can find. Then, head over to the buffet-style food selection, with choices of your favorite energy drink, a wide variety of pop tarts and your favorite ice cream bar.
Diamonds in the rough
We all know diamonds are a woman’s best friend, so how about four of them?
Bring your date to the peaceful parking lot formerly known as Four Diamonds and take in the fumes of our shuttle system while intimately listening to the traffic along Nevada and I-25.
Share a couple of battle stories from the last time you used the shuttle system, and together, dream of a day when the clangs and bangs of construction cease.
1+1 = True Love
By adding a significant other to the picture, there are parts of our lives that just get better.
And what better way to symbolize your love than with a date in the Math Center?
Sign each other in by reciting the other’s student ID number, then go around to each of the whiteboards writing the major problems of the relationship. A personal tutor will soon come and help solve your issues.
The center is sure to serve an “integral” part in keeping you together.