Nine gifts to guarantee a Valentine’s to remember

Feb. 13, 2012

April Wefler
awefler@uccs.edu

Candy and flowers may be nice Valentine’s Day gifts, but they won’t win you any points for innovation. Instead, be brave and consider buying one of the more bizarre items on the market.

If your valentine doesn’t have the sense of humor required to enjoy these gifts, at least you’ll get a giggle before you have to sleep on the couch.

Candy G-string and bra

Perfect for both sexes. They are dessert and lingerie all rolled into one, so your significant other won’t taste fabric when he or she pulls them off with his or her teeth. Once these delectable items have been taken off, they make a great snack too. What’s better than candy?

This item is currently out of stock on Amazon, but you can visit stores like Christal’s and Spencer’s to satisfy all of your edible undergarment needs.

Chocolate Thong for Him

Is it better to lick and be licked than to have never licked anyone at all? Creators of the Chocolate Thong for Him might think so. This melt in your mouth treat can be found for $14.95 at funromanticgifts.com.

Tool set

Girlfriends can be notorious for asking their sweethearts to fix something, so here’s the perfect opportunity to drop a subtle hint. Walmart has a pink 32-piece tool set for $19.88. Sure, you’ll have to shell out over $20 after tax, but think of all that time you’ll save. Ultimately, it’s a win-win.

Farm Sanctuary

Why not forget a tangible gift altogether and give her what she really wants? On action.farmsanctuary.org, you can sponsor an animal for her, like Cesak the pig.

Make sure to tell her how much Cesak reminds you of her and it’s guaranteed to be a Valentine’s Day – and trip to the emergency room – to remember.

“50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours”

Boys, if your girlfriend complains about you a lot, get her “50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours” by Justin Racz and she’ll suddenly appreciate you a lot more. $13.57 at Barnes and Noble.

Girlfriend Pillow/Boyfriend Arms

The Moshi Girlfriend Pillow and Boyfriend Arms Pillow are perfect gifts for clingy partners; buy one for him or her and it’ll be like you’re never gone. $9.99 on Amazon.

Ring for Sex Bell

You want sex and you want it now! Where is he? Where is she? Buy this little gadget and you won’t have to wonder. One ring means ‘Ready Now!’ Two rings are ‘Be Quick!’

Now your boyfriend or girlfriend will know exactly what mood you’re in and you won’t even have to leave the bed. $12.99 on Amazon.

Grow a Boyfriend

For that annoying friend who is forever complaining about being single, make sure to get Grow a Boyfriend! All she or he needs to do is put it in water and voila: the perfect foam man. $2.99 on Amazon.