Brutally honest reviews of life at UCCS

Have you hit that point of the semester where you’re struggling to find the motivation to finish your classes, wondering why you ever enrolled in college in the first place?

Channeling the burnout spirit of the season, students give their honest anonymous reviews of our beloved university.

Review #1

UCCS: A land full of opportunities, friendships, experiences, memories and more. If only you could pay to park there.

Review #2

While I am not the only person to say this of my “chosen” university, I believe that UCCS is truly the school that nobody would think to pick first, and is for that reason an interesting demonstration of what I consider to be the “Colorado condition.” Sure, you will be plagued by the baffling and frankly upsetting presence of Turning Point USA when trying to enter the library, or the “Let’s Go Brandon” hats you’ll occasionally spot floating down the corridors of Columbine Hall — but you will also find some inconsistencies in the preconceived expectations you had for this cesspool of Colorado Springs blandness. This university is a weird, uncertain mess, but it is also full of people and experiences that mean a lot to me. I found my voice here — and while I want to scream my head off every time someone acts like I am a conspiracy-abiding sheep for wearing a mask, I have a hell of a lot to thank this institution for.

Review #3

UCCS is the school you go to because every other school is too expensive or their acceptance rate is too low. Also, why are their parking pass prices so high when they can’t even fix the potholes in the roundabout near Gateway Garage? While the parking lots are a disaster (narrow spaces, bad parkers), I guess it’s worth it, because the connections I’ve made with my professors and classmates will last me a lifetime.

Review #4

UCCS has honestly never been better. My classes next semester are mostly online, but when I come to campus, tabling clubs and organizations make sure my social life is stronger than ever, even when I say, “Sorry, I’m in a hurry.” I also especially appreciate that midterms last an entire month. I would be so bored going to campus events or reading in the library, so I like that midterms keep me busy.

Review #5

So I just got my most recent bill from UCCS:

Tuition… $8,766.00

Parking… $8,767.00

Rec Center with broken pool… $169.00

Dorms with no AC… $6,799.00

Dirty Laundry Services… $10.00

“Free” mental health services… $20.00

Towing services (we know you live here; we just towed you because we’re jerks)… $290.00

Complaints from even louder roommates… $50.00

Your stolen bike… $149.99

Classes that didn’t teach you shit… $5,850.00

Every time you cried… $5.00

Total before discount: (I don’t know, something to do with linear algebra)

FAFSA discount: -1%

Total: Enough to make a full-grown adult cry

Review #6

The Twelve Days of UCCS:

Twelve college credits

Eleven Canvas tasks

Tenth in the state

Nine CU regents

Eight cars circling

Seven late assignments

Six days to do them

Five years too long

Four meltdowns later

Three days of break

Two Colorados

And one degree you paid too much for

Review #7

UCCS. Wow. That’s all, just, wow. I just love how disability-friendly the campus is. Elevators that break at least twice a month, the shuttles not running on weekends so if you want food, you must walk, I just think that is so inclusive.

Review #8

The most common answer to the question “why did you choose UCCS?” is that CU Boulder was too loud and crowded. If you’re here, it’s probably your own fault for not being more of an extrovert. You might be missing out on a functional, accessible campus or places to eat between classes — but on the bright side, you’re also probably reaping the benefits of smaller class sizes and professors who actually care about you.

Scribe archive photo by Meghan Germain.