You know how it feels when you taste something that you know is so bad for you but feels oh, so good? You can’t escape it. It taunts you from its forbidden palace, but you cross the threshold for your sinful indulgence anyway…
That is how I feel about a McDonald’s Shamrock Shake.
I hate McDonald’s. I audibly gag whenever someone mentions those golden arches in my presence. I can’t even stand the smell of the paper bag rotting in my boyfriend’s trash can.
McDonald’s is horrible. I have seen “Super Size Me,” and that man was disgustingly unhealthy after a month of eating nothing but McDonald’s. If I ate at McDonald’s, that alone would have made me drop the chain with urgency. On top of that, regularly eating McDonald’s and other fast food has long been associated with obesity and poor cardiovascular health.
But here goes McDonald’s, offering up this creamy, minty delicacy. Despite how much I despise the corporate superpower and its contributions to America’s biggest health issues, I fall prey to green ice cream in a cup all too often. March rolls around, and suddenly I’m driving to this normie fast food chain after spending all year loudly protesting Mickey D’s.
As a child, the Shamrock Shake was the one reason my mom took my sister and me to McDonald’s. Under no circumstances would we eat food there, but we made pit stops for the Shamrock Shakes in March. I shall continue this tradition.
The mint is a trap. Everyone knows that mint is the best ice cream flavor ever. The menthol tricks our brains into experiencing a cold sensation for the most refreshing iced dessert experience, according to NPR.
Not only that, but mint has always been my favorite flavor. I cannot leave the house without a case of Ice Breakers and multiple packs of minty gum on my person. I am allergic to gluten, but I freeze a box of Thin Mint cookies every Girl Scout season for long-term secret indulgence.
The Shamrock Shake is the same. Should I avoid dairy? Yes. Can I steer clear of a Shamrock Shake between Feb. 10 and March 23 every year? NO. I can’t. Please help me.
I would already make myself sick to taste mint any day of the week, but I would especially do it when someone finds a way to loop in my Irish heritage. Alas, McDonald’s had to make this green goblin of a beverage related to St. Patrick’s Day. If I can’t drink beer, I have to drink something in the spirit of Ireland.
I refuse to go to McDonald’s for a burger, and I will fight my future husband to the death if he ever tries to put a Happy Meal in my children’s bodies. But when it’s time for minty Irish festivities, I will happily be passenger princess in the drive-thru, making myself an accomplice in supporting the worst fast-food corporation to ever exist. I yield my time.
Photo courtesy of Courier Journal.