SATIRE | Spirit Halloween takes over University Center’s third floor

Due to a lack of traffic to the University Center’s third floor, UCCS has announced a new partnership in order to increase both presence and funds back to the University Center. Last Friday, they revealed that the third floor of the University Center will be closed down to students and instead be replaced by a Spirit Halloween.

Spirit Halloween’s typical corporate plan is to occupy any open store they can find from August to October. They plan to open their first ever year-round store at UCCS, receiving mixed reviews from both students and staff.

“I’m going to go broke,” said one UCCS student. “Why did they decide to open a Spirit Halloween knowing there’s broke college students here?”

Another student said, “That was the only place I could cry in peace and not be judged. Now I have to find another cry spot unless I want to sit next to an animatronic skeleton.”

UCCS claims that with the addition of this new store, both revenue and foot traffic into the University Center will increase, but they are worried about some of the risks that Spirit Halloween poses to students.

“We understand that Spirit Halloween has some indecent costumes and in order to keep our success rate up, we have chosen to censor all 18+ costumes with a modesty sticker,” the administration said. Using modesty stickers will allow for students to focus less on the sexual costumes and more so on their academics, according to UCCS.

Spirit Halloween is one of the largest Halloween retailers in the United States and has been open since 1983. Currently, they operate over 1,400 locations within the United States but are looking to expand to 4,000 stores by 2024.

Students can visit the University Center Spirit Halloween 24/7, but the Scribble recommends stopping by today in case it vanishes along with the retailer’s other locations by Nov. 1.