The Denver Nuggets started their postseason journey to a second NBA title on Saturday, coached by none other than UCCS mascot and widely beloved furry friend, Clyde. Clyde orchestrated a gut-wrenching, exhilarating overtime victory for the Nuggets.
After beating Super Mascot Rocky in their Big Cat Racing League matchup in mid-April, Clyde had the privilege of stepping into the head coaching position, after the Nuggets kicked head coach Mike Malone and general manager Calvin Booth to the curb.
“When the Nuggets decided that cleaning house moments before the postseason was a good idea, I thought, ‘Man, I would make a supreme head coach.’”
Clyde was introduced to a confused crowd during the early moments of Saturday’s matinee match at Ball Arena. The crowd cheered for the interim head coach David Adelman, only to see a cheesing, big-headed mountain lion walking out of the tunnel on his hind legs, wearing black and gold.
One fan could be heard screaming, “He doesn’t even go here!” as Clyde waved to his new friends.
“They loved me, I swear. It was so loud. One small child even burst into tears when I made eye contact with her, it was such an emotional moment,” Clyde said.
It was revealed that Clyde organized the Nuggets’ disappointing pre-fourth quarter performance on purpose. The Nuggets trailed the Clippers most of the game, losing their early lead halfway through the first quarter and only getting back in the game with three minutes left in the fourth quarter.
“I had control of the crowd AND legendary big man and forever MVP Nikola Jokić at my disposal. I told him to let the Clippers think they had this in the bag, make Ben Simmons think he is an important basketball player or something,” he said.
When the refs assessed a technical foul to Jokić for breathing on the floor for six seconds after being thwacked in the face, Clyde felt a passion to take the game back. “It was at that moment that I, Clyde the mountain lion, decided the ruse was over. You don’t bully a polar bear and not expect to be attacked by its lanky feline friend,” he said.
The Nuggets came back from a game-long deficit during the fourth quarter. Sixth man Russel Westbrook shot a clutch 3-pointer that catapulted the Nuggets to the lead with 23 seconds left.
“Then this buffoon decides to fumble a possession and let the Clippers tie the game,” Clyde said in a fit. “That was NOT, I repeat NOT, my doing.”
Westbrook reportedly begged Clyde to let him play during overtime and only convinced the young coach by scratching behind his ears and giving him salmon treats. Reasons for Westbrook’s possession of these snacks are still under investigation by the NBA.
“I’m glad he decided to play aggressive basketball during overtime,” Clyde said. “Usually, I am a pacifist, but I truly believe this is a good development for Russ after his disgraceful exit from the playoffs last year. I was very proud.”
An unidentified UCCS student attending the game was heard saying to Clyde, “I didn’t know you knew basketball like that.” Before completing his victorious exit, Clyde responded, “I don’t, but I have extensive experience playing with balls of string, and the physics are pretty much the same.”
Clyde told The Scribble that he would stay on as a backup coach for the Nuggets indefinitely. “They need only shine the cat-signal, and I’ll be there.”
Photo courtesy of the NBA.