UCCS demolished Scribe office to make room for more parking

Considering that 99.9% of the UCCS population is completely unable to find parking on campus, Parking Services have resorted to extreme methods to keep students from storming their office by demolishing the Scribe office to create more parking spots. 
 
“We realized we can’t expand our lots into any of the completely empty grassy areas around every lot, so we had no choice but to expand into the buildings,” newly appointed Director of Demolition Spim Jice said of the changes. 
 
While determining what should go first to expand parking, Jice decided to turn our group of reporters into freelancers. 
 
“We weren’t sure where we should expand first and thought we might start with Kraemer Family Library, but apparently students ‘study there,’ so we started with the Scribe,” Jice said.  
 
Scribe staff members had mixed opinions on the demolition of their office.  
 
“I would have preferred a warning so I could rescue my BTS poster, but at least it will be a little easier to find parking for my Kia Soul now,” said Copy Editor Kate Marlett.  
 
News Reporter Syanna Santiago-Smith was happy to see the office go. “I’m tired of running across campus from the Gateway Garage just to make staff meetings,” she said. “Now, I can find better parking and I don’t have to go to meetings, win!” 
 
Managing Editor Nick Smith didn’t share Santiago-Smith’s opinion. “I’ve been crashing at the office for three semesters now because rent is crazy, I’m gonna have to move back in with my parents,” Smith said.  
 
Editor-in-Chief Paul Czarnecki has been frantically searching for a new office location. He was last seen asking event services if he could reserve the Columbine roof for the rest of the semester. 
 
Jice has determined there will be four new parking spaces courtesy of his recent demolition project. “Students were really excited for the new parking spots, but I’m planning to designate all four spots for Deans and Vice Chancellors that will never use them,” Jice said. 
 
Jice continues looking towards the future, hoping to demolish the Student Life and Leadership Center next. “I’ve been trying to get my wrecking ball in there, but they keep telling me I can’t demolish another site without checking if students are still in there first,” he said.  
 
After that statement, I realized I had not seen Photography Editor Lillian Davis since before the demolition, as she swiftly left the interview to mourn.  

The Scribe office the day prior to demolition. Photo by Lillian Davis.