As someone who has been told that she would make a “great lawyer” from the age of six, I know what it’s like to be a born cynic. Growing up, I was led to believe that this was a trait to be proud of. What I didn’t know was that it would severely limit my ability to enjoy my college years.
The problem with cynicism is that, at some point, it stops being a character trait — or healthy realism — and it slowly becomes a shield against risk. Never opening yourself up to potential embarrassment and living in a constant state of skepticism means never experiencing anything at all, let alone the fabled “college experience.”
While the cynic’s instinct may be to roll their eyes at the phrase “college experience” altogether, I would encourage them instead to consider why the saying is a bad thing, or what they’ve ever lost from leaning into having fun. Not a lot, I would bet.
Understandably, the phrase brings some flimsy film tropes to mind. Though, the movies don’t have it totally wrong.
Media depictions of college ragers, big friend groups hanging out on the lawn and seemingly endless opportunities to meet new people only leave out an essential ingredient to the social life cocktail: an actual willingness to talk to people, even if that means failing. The experience is possible; it just requires an earnest approach.
Meeting the characters that star in your ragers or lawn hangouts means becoming accustomed to little failures, and not looking down on making new friends, even if the act can feel debasing at times. It’s only by bucking that self-conscious cynicism that you can begin to meet new people.
The socially awkward cynics among us have probably heard the dreaded phrase: “You just need to put yourself out there” and thrown up in their own mouths. What this phrase, as vague as it may be, is trying to get at is that you might have to interact with people first.
Putting yourself out there means having enough courage to approach someone, to take yourself a little less seriously and to offer up a version of yourself to others that — while maybe not as nonchalant as you would prefer to be seen — is more genuine.
Having the college experience means feeling like a loser from time to time. Sending the text to a person you met in class asking if they would like to go get coffee sometime or sticking around a little longer after class may seem cringe-inducing and horrifyingly embarrassing in the moment, but it is important to remember that nobody is ever as embarrassed about something you do as you are.
These moments are what will ultimately shape your college experience. And it won’t work out every time. But letting go of cynicism means that your relationships won’t be doomed from the start, and that every little insignificant rejection won’t serve as an affirmation to never speak to anyone again.
Putting a little more faith in the movie moments the cynic inside you may be inclined to write off as vapid or unrealistic opens a world of new possibilities. If you want to have a tight-knit friend group, go make one!
The best pieces of advice I have for recovering cynics is to never fall into the trap of thinking that caring about making friends and actively seeking it out is cringe, and to realize that nobody is analyzing your actions with the same level of judgement as you are, mostly because they are too busy judging their own actions.
Cynicism isn’t without purpose. It’s a great defense mechanism, useful for trivializing the things we may be bad at and helping us to feel more secure. But it’s exhausting, and it costs too much to maintain.
To you, your cynicism might seem like a sign of maturity, or a sign of your ability to prioritize important stuff. To everyone else, it signals that you’re closed off, uninterested or shy. Opportunities to meet people dry up when those people sense that you wouldn’t be interested in speaking to them.
Students walk along the spine. Photo by Jade Esquibel.