Yesterday, the whole world was gifted with one of the most glamorous events humanity has to offer. The ceremony featured suits, political messages, fraught emotions and a famous person talking for long enough that listeners got bored.
I’m referring, of course, to the newest episode of “Last Week Tonight With John Oliver,” in which Oliver did a lengthy desk piece (featured on HBO Max) about the evils of tipping. I didn’t watch it, but I’m sure it’s great. He never misses.
I guess the Oscars happened, too.
Everybody spends a whole lot of time talking about the women’s dresses at the Oscars, but you know who never gets enough attention? Men. So, this year, I figured (at the recommendation of our advisor, credit where it’s due) that it’s time to shine the spotlight on the vast array of black-adjacent textiles that tuxedos display at cinema’s biggest night.
Am I doing all of them? Nope. Enjoy!
All of these pictures are courtesy of NBC, except the Jeff Goldblum one specifically is CNN and the Sean Baker one is AP.
- Jesse Eisenberg
That’s a tux. Starting in basic land. 5/10.
- Sean Baker (won best everything for “Anora”)
This picture doesn’t show it well, but he had a lovely black velvet number. Point for texture. 6/10.
- Jeff Goldblum
It’s giving Easter Sunday. Good thing I celebrate Easter. 7/10.
- Timothee Chalamet
Is that Curious George’s dad? 3/10.
- Not sure who this is
Red is cool! Weird pose though, he needs to shake out his arms a little bit. 6/10.
- Bowen Yang and … Bowen’s friend
I like the colors on Bowen’s suit! Trust the man to deliver. Other guy is boring. 5/10, split the difference.
- I don’t know who either of these people are
Eh. Patterns I guess. 6/10.
- Guy holding up Margaret Qualley
I like the glove moment. His hair is really shiny too. I can’t see the tux well because there’s this lady in the way though. ???/10.
- Oprah
Win by default. You get an Oscar! YOU get an Oscar! EVERYBODY GETS AN OSCAR!!!! 20/10.
