Cars of UCCS: The academic review  

Beep beep! Let’s rate some cars.  

There sure are a lot of these on campus, and we had better talk about them now. They made the endangered species list after parking prices rose, and rumor has it they’re on the verge of extinction.  

Also, if it looks like all of these pictures weren’t taken on campus, that’s because the lots were full and they had to park far away.  

Also, I don’t know much about cars.  

  1. That right there is a car. 6/10.  
  1. Another car. Looks like it has decent trunk space, but perhaps not quite as much as I would hope. 4/10.  
  1. Definitely not the amount of trunk space I’d want. Cars should have enough trunk space to fit at least two adults. Also, it’s too distinct. I don’t want anyone knowing what my car looks like. 3/10.
  1. This car does not have enough trunk space to fit two adults, even if their limbs were hypothetically missing after an accident. Needs more space. Nice stickers, though. 3/10.  
  1. Now this is the kind of car that could take the bodies of two grown adults away from the zoo following an accidental alligator encounter. Much closer to what I’m looking for. +1 for baby Yoda. 7/10.  
  1. This car also has some good trunk space for transporting two grown adults following a heated argument at the zoo that ended in an unexpected push next to the alligator enclosure. It says “escape,” and I like the sound of that. The back is a little beat up, though. Whoever’s car this is should be more careful. 8/10.  
  1. This is what I’m talking about. Big car, subtle color, plenty of trunk space. Perfect for hypothetically moving the bodies of my great aunt and uncle to an undisclosed location, after they allegedly experienced an unfortunate but purposeful shove directly into the alligator exhibit when I heard they wouldn’t be leaving me an inheritance after all. Good getaway car, too. Not as good as a Bronco, but we do what we can. 10/10.  
  1. Yay, the Jurassic Park car!!! 20/10.  

Graphic by Neako Hallisey.