Class is in session: Parking 101

April 18, 2016

Kyle Guthrie
[email protected]

One important class is still not offered at UCCS: how to park your damn car.

It is high time students received a lesson in parking etiquette, so I’m going to teach you.

It’s no secret that UCCS has its fair share of problems when it comes to parking availability.

But if you are going to complain about the scarcity of spots, then I expect you to do your part to help alleviate the problem.

When the parking lot is jammed, cars are circling like angry bees. You just got out of class and head to your car. This is not the time to turn the engine on and text your friends.

One week three separate students walked to their cars and turned on the ignition. As I sat there with my blinker clicking, I was forced to watch them for several minutes and then gave up to search for another spot.

Next from our course content: spotting the difference between compact spots and regular spots.

Compact spots are for smaller cars, so that they can comfortably fit, not so you can try to defy the laws of space.

Vehicles such as Civics, Jettas and Corollas are considered compact cars. Cadillac Escalades are not.

If you have to mutter “challenge accepted” under your breath before attempting to squeeze into one of these spots, you might want to reconsider.

Along the same parking lines, don’t be the person who has to park across two spots just to ensure that no one comes close to your sweet 2002 T-100.

Now for our pop quiz on common sense and courtesy. If you have a line of cars behind you full of students, don’t hold up the entire line waiting for someone’s spot when there is one open just two spaces up.

Go park your car and walk the extra seven feet so that everyone can continue moving through the parking area and get to where they need to go. It’s just common sense.

I find it insane that an institution full of young adults claiming to be concerned with the “greater good” can be so selfish and oblivious when it comes to something as simple as parking.

Believe it or not, a single, well-placed idiot can hold up an entire line of cars for several minutes.

I don’t know if people like this are simply oblivious to the problems they create, or if they are genuine jerks, but either way, they can wreck my timetable to get to class with equal amounts of efficiency.

As we wrap up today’s lesson, the next time you find yourself in the UCCS parking lot surrounded by speeding motorists desperate to find a spot, take a second to think to yourself, “How do I make someone not want to run me over today?”

Class dismissed.