In today’s severely divided political society, being close, long-term friends with people of opposing views is irrational. These friendships lack the commonalities needed to last and only result in disappointment.
Developing close relationships with people you fervently disagree with leads to unproductive disagreements or forces you to compromise truths you hold dear. If you talk about politics, it starts an argument. If you avoid the conversation, you are silently standing beside whatever morally reprehensible thing they support.
An NPR article from October 2020 discussed Americans’ shifting stances on cross-political relationships. Rather than viewing political differences as disagreements on taxes and zoning laws, it has now become an issue of “basic morality, core values and character that cannot be overlooked.”
When it comes to political issues that relate to the basic treatment of humanity, I refuse to budge and bend to maintain a close relationship. If I passively agree with a political rival, I am compromising my morals, something that I believe is never OK to do.
I spent three years not speaking to some of my cousins because of their political choices — cousins who used to be my best friends. They support politicians who devalue human rights, and I won’t stand by that even if it means sacrificing a close relationship with family.
There was a time when I was friends with people with opposite political views. I would post story after story on social media about my political views only to be met with arguments from the people I considered myself close with. Eventually, those friendships went up in flames.
I only have one friend who identifies with the other party, but we hardly ever speak. I ask him how flight school is going or tell him about my life maybe once a month. Our relationship is forever stifled from being closer because I know I disagree with his politics.
A 2020 New York Times article notes that while some politically mixed couples shift to political alignment in their marriages, inter-political couples face dilemmas whenever voting season comes around. The article states that many politically mixed couples avoid political discussions and are less likely to vote to avoid creating an argument.
My ex-boyfriend was steadfast in his opposing political views. I found myself forced to rationalize causes I didn’t believe in and nod along to his convictions about things I strongly disagreed with. That is one of the many reasons he is now my ex.
I would feel unfulfilled by my current relationship if I was forced to hide my political feelings. I need to be able to talk to and feel supported by my significant other in my beliefs. It’s unethical to myself to avoid having those discussions.
Maybe if I was in college 10 years ago, I would have a different opinion. But in such a polarized environment, where politicians have turned what used to be civil disagreements into moral debates, I find it impossible to overlook someone’s political stance.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it more common to have constructive discussions and solution-focused debates. This country is just not like that anymore.
To be in a politically-mixed friendship or relationship today is to minimize your values. Anyone who is steadfast in their beliefs deserves to be surrounded by people who uplift and support those convictions. Maybe political mixing is possible in another America, but we are too far removed from civility for it to be an expectation.
Photo courtesy of Gallup News.