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Fall leaves 2022: The academic review

It’s that time of year again: fall! Why is it called fall? Because the leaves fall down! And why do the leaves fall down? So I can rate them!

This is a big anniversary for me. In fall of 2021, I published my first leaf academic review, which kicked off all of my other academic reviews. It’s a milestone I want to honor.

Last year, I carefully selected a variety of leaves from around town and put time, thought and effort into each rating. I hoped that if I crafted a good article, the editors would accept it and I could move forward. The stakes were high, and failure would have come at a cost.

Now everyone says the bit’s still funny, and they keep assigning me to rate stuff, so I went out to my backyard in the dark and grabbed a bunch of what I was pretty sure were leaves. Enjoy.

1. “It’s giving Christmas.”

A little early for the red and green. 6/10.

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2. “I couldn’t think of a good title.”

I don’t know man, it’s a leaf. 5/10.

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3. “A hole lot of effort went into this article.”

Ha ha. 7/10.

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4. “The Sea Monster.”

It looks like a weird fish you’d see at an aquarium, think “neat” and then go to the gift shop. 7/10.

5. “The Symbol of Fall.”

Great leaf, great shape, great color, good representation of what autumn has to offer. 8/10.

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6. “Unimpressive.”

This leaf has the same energy as a pear, and pears are disappointing. I will not elaborate. 4/10.

7. “The Copycat.”

Similar to number 5 but I like it less. 6/10.

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8. “Mortality.”

Good reminder of the inevitability of death. Also, crunchy. 6.5/10.

9. “The Surprise.”

Since I was actually collecting leaves in the dark, I fully didn’t realize that I had found these berries until I went back inside and looked in my hand. My dad told me not to eat them. He never lets me do anything fun. 9/10.

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10. “Mortality pt. 2.”

Like the other one but it died in a cooler shape. 7/10.

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11. “Gross.”

Dumb leaf. 2/10.

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12. “Perfect.”

She’s an icon, she’s a legend and she is the moment. 10/10.

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