It’s that time of year again: fall! Why is it called fall? Because the leaves fall down! And why do the leaves fall down? So I can rate them!
This is a big anniversary for me. In fall of 2021, I published my first leaf academic review, which kicked off all of my other academic reviews. It’s a milestone I want to honor.
Last year, I carefully selected a variety of leaves from around town and put time, thought and effort into each rating. I hoped that if I crafted a good article, the editors would accept it and I could move forward. The stakes were high, and failure would have come at a cost.
Now everyone says the bit’s still funny, and they keep assigning me to rate stuff, so I went out to my backyard in the dark and grabbed a bunch of what I was pretty sure were leaves. Enjoy.
1. “It’s giving Christmas.”
A little early for the red and green. 6/10.
2. “I couldn’t think of a good title.”
I don’t know man, it’s a leaf. 5/10.
3. “A hole lot of effort went into this article.”
Ha ha. 7/10.
4. “The Sea Monster.”
It looks like a weird fish you’d see at an aquarium, think “neat” and then go to the gift shop. 7/10.
5. “The Symbol of Fall.”
Great leaf, great shape, great color, good representation of what autumn has to offer. 8/10.
This leaf has the same energy as a pear, and pears are disappointing. I will not elaborate. 4/10.
7. “The Copycat.”
Similar to number 5 but I like it less. 6/10.
Good reminder of the inevitability of death. Also, crunchy. 6.5/10.
9. “The Surprise.”
Since I was actually collecting leaves in the dark, I fully didn’t realize that I had found these berries until I went back inside and looked in my hand. My dad told me not to eat them. He never lets me do anything fun. 9/10.
10. “Mortality pt. 2.”
Like the other one but it died in a cooler shape. 7/10.
Dumb leaf. 2/10.
She’s an icon, she’s a legend and she is the moment. 10/10.