Five star dining: Best quality, healthy food around town

Disclaimer: The contents of the Scribble are completely fabricated, peppered with inconsistencies and laced with lies. Any resemblance to the truth found herein is a matter of sheer luck. The Scribble should be approached with a healthy dose of skepticism, and its claims should be taken – if they are taken at all – with many grains of salt.

October 25, 2016

Hannah Harvey

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     It’s a Friday night. With hunger on the brain and a freshly deposited paycheck in your wallet, it’s time to go out on the town to a nice, upscale restaurant and celebrate the end of a midterm-filled week.

     But one question remains as you climb into your Lexus for a nice evening out: what is the priciest, best tasting restaurant to dine in?

     Living life as a respectable food critique isn’t easy, but I’m here to help you spot the difference between a cold burrito and a deluxe, high-quality beef enchilada.

     Taco Bell is the epitome of high class society and what you should work toward for every celebratory event.

     If you are a wildcard who enjoys thinking outside the box, a Quesarito is the perfect choice for you.

     At the high price of $2.49, this quesadilla/burrito hybrid screams individuality, as it’s guaranteed cheese and sour cream will be dripping down your chin.

     Everyone will be able to tell you’re a mature adult who has lived a successful and fulfilling life.

     But it doesn’t stop there. The Quesarito comes in two exotic flavors that will fill any adventurous eater’s wildest dreams: beef and shredded chicken.

     Buy two and eat them alone in your car at 3 a.m. in an abandoned parking lot to get the full experience.

     Are you afraid to spend half your weekly paycheck? Don’t worry; the Doritos Locos Taco is here to ease your anxiety.

     This taco is the ultimate sample of what creative food should look like. Taking one nutritious and delicious brand of chips and making them into a taco shell? Unheard of. But not at Taco Bell.

     Prices range from $1.49-$1.89, depending on whether or not you’re feeling Cool Ranch or Fiery. Either choice is bound to show your versatility and ingenuity.

     Don’t forget to wear the Dorito dust on your fingers as an accessory. It just looks expensive.

     If you’re looking for something sweet, Taco Bell truly has it all. At just $1.99, the Starburst Strawberry Freeze will have all eyes on you. Not only is it trendy, but the contorted expressions you’ll make after experiencing an immediate brain freeze will keep people knowing just how classy you are.

     It’s the only way to look cool.