Winter break is an electric time for sports fans as the college football and NFL playoffs are in full swing and we are in the thick of the NBA and NHL seasons.
During this time, it was also important to spend time with loved ones, many of which do not care for sports. In this situation it’s only logical to meet in the middle and watch a movie or TV show about sports.
As a sports fan, it is sometimes cringe-inducing seeing how sports are depicted in movies and shows.
I could not help but feel like yelling at my TV seeing West High’s defense break down with seconds to go leaving Ryan Evans wide open in the paint for the game winning shot.
Like seriously, how are all five of your guys covering Troy Bolton and yet still allowing him to find a wide-open passing lane?
Undeniably, seeing how sports are depicted in media is pure comedy for someone so deep into the strategies of sports, as many strategies in the movies have a zero percent chance of working in real life.
Let’s take a look at some of the most unrealistic sports moments in movies and shows so we can break down why they would not ever work.
Honorable Mention: Coach Carter
When I say honorable, I mean honorable, as this is a rare instance where the movie gets the sports parts right.
Coach Carter turned around the team by emphasizing conditioning and discipline, and it showed in the movie. The boys won because they stayed disciplined during their plays and ran circles around exhausted teams.
There was not a point where the team pulled out some gimmick play that relied on the opposing team losing their ability to play basketball. This movie featured some pure hoops which brought a tear to my eye.
Remember the Titans: State championship
The T.C. Williams Titans found themselves needing a miracle with seconds to go in the state championship, needing 75 yards to score.
The coach of the opposing team tells his team to play deep and watch for the pass, which I guess translates to crash the line as soon as the ball is snapped, allowing a lateral to fool the entire defense, which gave the Titans the game winning touchdown.
The Titans choosing to run the ball needing 75 yards in one play was not the worst play call of all time and it is realistic that a high schooler could not throw the ball that far, meaning that the score would need to come from either a short pass and a series of laterals or a run.
In this situation, the opposing defense should have at least four people playing 20 yards from the line of scrimmage and have a conservative mentality.
Remember, they need 75 yards in a single play. If they run the ball, you should let them come to you. It does not matter if they get 30 or even 74 yards. All you need to do is protect the end zone.
Instead, the defense starts sprinting towards the runner acting like they need to prevent every yard, allowing the defense to be caught off guard by a lateral.
I can only imagine what the locker room speech was like after losing the game like that.
Ted Lasso: Lasso Special
Being the underdogs against juggernaut Manchester City, the Richmond Grey Hounds drew up a play that had never been seen before and should never be seen again.
All the players huddled around the middle of the field, including the goalkeeper, and the team proceeded to role-play as American Football players as some players “ran routes” and others blocked for their “quarterback.”
All of this caused confusion and somehow one of the most disciplined and smart sides in all of soccer was caught off guard, allowing Richmond to score.
Richmond decided to voluntarily restrict their space and mobility by huddling around midfield. Instead of taking this advantage that was just gifted to them, Manchester City chose to defend by huddling around the middle themselves. Why? Just why?
What makes it hurt more is that Manchester City is a real team that employs some of the most talented players in the world. Not only that, but they are coached by someone who is considered to be one of the best managers the game has ever seen.
So, if we are being realistic, this play should have been blown up easily by Man City and punished with a scary counterattack the other way.
Draft Day: The worst of the worst
Every decision that happens in this movie answers the question of what if you replaced every front office in the NFL with psych ward patients.
Rather than focusing on the product on the field, this movie is all about showcasing the ins and outs of the NFL draft and front offices.
For context, if the Super Bowl is the most important event of a player’s career, the draft is the Super Bowl for front offices.
For months, members of a front office research college prospects. Everything from interviews, private workouts and film studies, the people involved with drafting the future of a franchise pour their blood, sweat and tears preparing for the big day.
Every decision made that night is backed by months of research, so imagine the horror on the faces of these people when their research is all thrown away because the general manager of the team (their boss) spontaneously traded up in the draft without consulting anyone.
The manager of the Cleveland Browns (of course they would be the ones to do this) is the protagonist of this movie and he trades three future first rounders to move up from picking 10th in the draft to picking first, supposedly to draft a quarterback who many regarded as a generational talent.
This decision is done at the beginning of the movie, and the rest of the movie is spent interviewing and researching this player — you know, something that should have been done months in advance.
After all this, the general manager decides that he does not want to draft this quarterback because of his “gut feeling.” Mind you, he already traded the future of this franchise to draft him.
The Browns proceeded to draft a linebacker that would have been available to the Browns if they traded back in the draft.
As a little lesson in how rookie contracts work in the NFL, the earlier a player is drafted, the more money they are paid on their first contract. So, for those keeping score at home, the Browns traded three first round picks for the privilege of overpaying a linebacker.
Believe it or not, this is just the tip of the iceberg for the terrible decisions made in this movie by not only the Browns but every other NFL team.
I seriously encourage everyone, sports fan or not, to look up how the NFL draft works and how teams prepare for it and then watch this movie with that context. The movie is so unbelievably bad to a point where you cannot help but laugh at the stupidity of everyone involved.
It’s just a game
I understand that inaccurate portrayals in Hollywood stretch far beyond just sports, so anything seen in a movie or show should be taken with a grain of salt.
As someone who has had their blood pressure spike up during the NFL playoffs, it seemed fun to take this hypercritical approach I’ve had watching sports and apply it to fake sports.
So please do not yell at the TV when Peppa Pig’s soccer team gives up a goal while you’re watching the show with your 5-year-old niece!
A shot from Remember the Titans. Picture from People.com.