March 30, 2015
NOTE: This Article is intended as Satire
Marijuana is coming to UCCS, and the biggest users will be student-athletes.
After a March 19 decision by university officials in tandem with the Board of Regents, not only will a portion of the greenhouse be devoted to marijuana, but the primary users will be athletes, who need the boost to help recover from long stretches of physical activity.
In addition, nursing students will be able to learn how to grow medicinal marijuana, according to marijuana health and safety official Herbert Munchies.
“It’s a pretty high elevation here on campus,” he said. “But the greenhouse gives us a unique opportunity for students to be in charge of their own weed. They make it at a high elevation, and then they see people get high off of it.”
Officials explained the positives of the coming program, which will reach full implementation in fall 2015 after a launch on April 20.
“[Marijuana] serves as a great way to collaborate between different parts of the university,” said marijuana implementation committee member Heigh Asakite. “It really is a highly unique opportunity.”
Student-athletes are issued what will be known as a “leaf card” and will be allowed one “check out” of marijuana per week. That ratio is added to as necessary if an athlete sustains an injury during competition.
With the card, student-athletes merely check in with their assigned advisor, a nursing student, and are allocated up to four ounces per visit.
Regular students are not permitted to partake in the program, and marijuana safety officer Joint Williams said that it is still an illegal drug for the rest of campus.
Williams declined to answer questions regarding his own use of marijuana, including the possibility he was high at the time The Scribe spoke with him.
“That’s not a dope question, yo,” he said.
The change in policy comes quickly on the heels of marijuana legalization in Colorado.
“I think our culture has turned over a new stone, it’s become more acceptable and we should embrace that here,” said Asakite.
The program will only work for home games to start, but Williams sees the possibility of expanding to road trips as “imminent.”
April 20 will serve as the launch for the program. Gallogly Events Center will briefl y be renamed “The Hotbox.”
Marijuana, along with snacks, will be served to continuing athletes as a prologue to fall 2015 athletic seasons.
Asakite said that in addition to the new policy, added snack tables will now be located in all areas that athletes frequent.