12 March 2019
Thank U, Next
But what exactly is next? With graduation coming up, I can’t imagine that I am totally alone in feeling lost that a part of my identity is coming to an end. I myself have been in school for 17 years and with the conclusion of that formal education, I feel like I’m in the midst of an identity crisis.
That’s not entirely true though. I have applied to a few different online grad schools and am still waiting on my number one choice to either accept or reject me. The not knowing is part of what makes the idea of graduating so harrowing.
Those who are close to me or have followed my writing know that I am a compulsive organizer and scheduler. I’m lucky enough to have a plethora of options before me, which is another component of the anxiety I find myself experiencing.
Some of those options are petty: do I need to send out announcements when I don’t know if I want to walk? What kind of breakfast am I going to start eating because I have this weird thing about breakfast being tied to my geographic location?
As an adult, I can do what I please, but in doing so, I feel like I’m an imposter adult.
Some are more serious, like if I end up having to move back in with my mother, how am I going to handle leaving my sweet, adorable and lovey cat with my sister? I know that Luna will be well cared for and loved, but what about the special bond that we have?
The idea of moving back in with my mother has its ups and downs. It’s much more beneficial to me financially since I can work and go to grad school online while keeping my cost of living low. Yet, having lived on my own now, I have grown accustomed to having my own quirks of behavior and living.
Then again, all of this stress could be for naught. I love living in the Springs, where there is a large enough population in my age range to ensure that there are plenty of activities for me to do, and for that reason, I have been applying to different jobs that are cohesive to my chosen career path. This is where I run into the problem that many of my peers do.
Although student housing is still cheaper than the average Springs housing, I run the risk of underemployment if I were to stay in Springs, thus negating whatever savings I would gain in student housing. Furthermore, my chosen profession makes it difficult to neatly buttress work and school scheduling against each other in a time of transition. The biggest benefit would, of course, be the ability to stay with my cat, who has become such a large part of mine, and my roommates’ world.
No matter what I choose, the upcoming months will be a time of growth, metamorphosis and change. That’s something that is equally terrifying and exhilarating, and between those two whirlwinds, I often find myself struggling to find stable ground.
Maybe I’m just gabbing into the void, maybe I’m just having a quarter-life crisis, but if you are experiencing this same anxiety over the next step, then let this be my message to you: I promise, you’re not the only one.