April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and there’s a good amount of discourse on what consent is and what it looks like. What about the other side of the coin, what consent is not?
Denim Day, held annually on April 29, is a global campaign encouraging people to wear jeans in support of sexual assault survivors and educate people about sexual assault and consent.
The campaign was established in 1999 after the Italian Supreme Court overturned a rape conviction because the survivor was wearing tight jeans, which the justices argued was evidence that she had consented and helped take the jeans off.
Court rulings that blame women for men’s actions set a precedent that men can violate women without being held accountable. It sets a patriarchal tone that the law can be bent to benefit men at the cost of the women they harm.
Consent is not behavior-based
Contrary to the Italian Supreme Court’s egregious decision, the way a person dresses is not consent. In fact, someone can walk around naked and they’re still not giving consent.
Accepting rides, drinks, gifts or anything else offered is not consent. Flirting is not consent, even if you know the person is interested in you.
Consent is not granted based on past encounters. No matter what the person said or did previously, if the behavior does not pertain to the exact situation, it is not consent.
Consent is not unconditional
Similarly, consent is not unconditional. Someone can say yes and later change their mind. The moment someone changes their mind, there is no consent.
Consent to one act is not consent to all acts. For example, someone can say yes to kissing but that affirmation does not apply to anything other than kissing.
Consent is not relationship-based
Being in a romantic relationship with a person is not consent. Whether you have been dating for a week or married for 50 years, consent is not assumed.
A verbal agreement is still required by each partner on every occasion.
Consent is not forced
Pushing against or ignoring someone’s hesitation or doubt by repeatedly asking is not consent. A reluctant, “OK, fine,” is still a No.
If someone only says yes after being pressured, that’s coercion, not consent. Consent cannot be given to someone from a place of fear or guilt.
Consent is not silence
Consent is also not silence or a lack of resistance to advances. If you’re ever uncomfortable or unsure, it’s okay to stop and ask questions before deciding whether or not to continue.
It’s also okay to decide to just stop, for any reason.
Consent is not given by those who are incapacitated
Consent can never be given by someone who is under the influence of anything that hinders their ability to make rational decisions, like drugs, alcohol or medication.
If a person is asleep or disorientated in any way, they cannot consent.
Photo from Nebraska Today.