Piles of snow: the academic review  

Welcome back, everybody! Time to put our noses back to the good ol’ grindstone. 

It’s always tough to come back to school, but I know it’s a lot trickier for people to get up the energy to work in the middle of winter. Winter weather can make everything more of a drag, and everyone is sick of the snow.  

Well, too bad. I’m a cold girlie, so let’s look at some snow:

  1. Adorns the leaves like a whimsical dusting of powdered sugar over a rotten pile of crumbs. 5/10.  
  1. My neighbor’s shed is really doing the most to keep this one patch of my lawn watered. 6/10.  
  1. Pathetic effort. Not enough snow to cover the dead grass, but just enough to make it look like cocaine bear sneezed and walked away. Represents the worst of winter — cold and not pretty enough to justify it. 2/10.  
  1. Objectively bad snow patch. Kinda funny though. 4/10.  
  1. Thick enough for some solid footprints, not bad. 7/10.  
  1. A reminder that the cold is nobody’s fault. Geology jokes! 6/10.  
  1. I like snow except when it has anything to do with my car. The cold makes my brakes squeal, driving is scary and slow and I’m always late because I have to scrape off my windshield. “But, Ellie, just leave earlier and then you have more time to drive through the snow and wipe off your car!” I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my scraper sawing my window off and my tires screaming like a cat in labor. You’re not taking away my excuse to be late. -27/10.  

Graphic by Neako Hallisey.