Satire: A defense of men who wear shorts in the winter

     The Scribble editors like to pretend that this is satire, but it’s not. No. This is the most important story to come out from the burning typewriters used by tired, worn-out Scribble writers.  

     There are attacks coming from all directions toward men wearing shorts in the winter. UCCS Chancellor Jeff Bezos sent out a storm of emails against it along with several Tweets. There are TikTok videos shaming students as well. Even a fellow Scribble author, whose name begins with an M, is talking the smack to about 80% of the UCCS population.  

     Yes, she sided with Bezos when she decided to post about it.  

     They are even referring to them as “yorts” (shorts worn all year long), just to attack everyone who minds their own business and who wears what they want.  

     The audacity these people have while I walk everywhere wearing a T-shirt and shorts. Let me explain why men like wearing T-shirts and shorts when it is below 20 degrees (Fahrenheit or Celsius; like there is a difference, LOL).  

     I decided not to interview anyone since I am the laziest of the Scribble writers, and I don’t need extra voices to help defend my point of view.  

Men like to be comfortable 

     Men do not have the time to choose what outfit to wear based on what their friends will think. We just like to leave the house wearing whatever is loose enough for us to not feel the cold.  

     There is nothing more comfortable than shorts and T-shirts. What do you wear when you are home by yourself? Answer: shorts and T-shirts. Only psychopaths wear sweaters and pants. Have you seen the show “You” on Netflix or the new season of “Dexter” on Hulu? All you’ll see are sweaters and pants.  

Winters do not count as real winters in Colorado 

     Look how many days it snows in the winter in Colorado, specifically Colorado Springs. Almost never is the answer. I am no weather expert, but I am sure a scientist would agree with my description of “almost never” being a scientific standard to describe the weird winters we have here.  

     Yes, it’s cold. But with the right T-shirt, and the right amount of leg hair, the wind feels like nothing. Sometimes, I’ll tape other people’s leg hair on mine, because, unfortunately, I don’t have enough. But that’s not the point.  

     If you need to wear more to not be cold, you are weak. End of story.  

Shorts in the winter are not just for men 

     Short wearing in the winter is not for just men. Yorts are in the lexicon of every single person born here.  

     Colorado women are just built differently. They are not like them Texas or California women that should go back home. They can rock T-shirts and shorts anytime, anywhere. Blizzards are not a problem for these women. 

     Wear your yorts year around no matter how you identify. 

     Fight the system, man. Wear whatever you want!