SCRIBBLE | Mountain Lion starts taking classes, does better than human students

A Mountain Lion has been discovered to maintain a better GPA than 95% of the UCCS campus. 

According to the biology department, who orchestrated his enrollment, Theodore the mountain lion was enrolled into an engineering class last week as a joke. Ultimately, he earned the highest score on a program history test with a 45%. The curve brought his score to a 208%. 

Following his engineering success, Theodore made his way to the Ent Center, where he earned the lead role in an upcoming performance of “The Lion King” to the dismay of whoever is playing Pumbaa. 

“I’ve never seen a student capture a role like that. I mean the guy’s an animal. No seriously, I think he is actually a mountain lion,” the director said.  

Theodore was heard to express regret at having just missed out on auditioning for “Cats.” 

According to his professors, Theodore has also excelled in the math department, being able to count to 10 and beyond without a calculator. This puts his mathematical abilities above 80% of the communications department, according to the communications department.  

This was discovered after Theodore added a communications major, and proved to be one of the only communications students who could do math at all.  

“Now that’s something you don’t see every day,” said a student, coincidentally during the solar eclipse. 

Currently, Theodore is the favorite for valedictorian in Spring 2027. Most of the students in his graduating class expressed frustration with his standing, but later rescinded their disagreement after noticing Theodore’s teeth and claws.  

In his time between classes and press interviews, Theodore frequents The Lodge dining hall and can often be seen hurling hairballs into the soup to make it taste better.

Theodore during class. Photo by Lillian Davis.