On Tuesday, Nov. 5, absolutely nothing newsworthy occurred.
Scribe News Editor Tori Smith spent the day trying to find something to report but was relieved to find that everything was business as usual. “Just another normal day,” she said.
Smith noted the energy on campus seemed tenser than usual, but she determined this was probably due to daylight savings time ending over the weekend. “Time changes can be hard to adjust to. People are probably just still adjusting their sleep schedules. Yeah. That’s it for sure,” Smith said, nodding vehemently.
While walking around campus, Smith overheard some students discussing something about who they thought would win, but she decided to tune this conversation out as she doesn’t care much for sports.
In her quest to find something to report on, Smith noticed that there was a large group of people accumulating outside of Kettle Creek, but upon further investigation, she determined this was not related to any important events. “People were definitely not leaving Kettle Creek with stickers that said ‘I Voted’ or anything like that. Nope. No siree! That would be crazy! Especially on a totally normal day like today,” she said.
After a long day of nothing interesting happening at all, Smith decided she wanted to unwind with a bit of TV when she got home, but there was nothing of note on except reruns of “Young Sheldon.”
She then turned her attention to social media, where she found nothing but positive, uplifting content and people sharing 100% true facts from reliable sources, as one always finds on social media.
Before she turned in for the night, Smith got a message from Editor-in-Chief Paul Czarnecki asking her what her plan was for covering the events of the day, to which she responded, “Leave me alone, Paul.”
Then she — okay, fine. Listen here, reader. I know yesterday was the election. But I am tired of writing election coverage. It’s so stressful. Sometimes, I just want to write a silly little satire and forget about the country’s troubles for a while. Is that too much to ask?
I’m gonna go take a nap.
The clock tower on Nov. 6. Photo by Lillian Davis.