Spring plants on campus: the academic review

     The first legitimate rain of spring has finally occurred, and it has put me in a better mood than usual. Our dry, ashy state has been gasping for water over the past few months, and with the rain comes new plant growth.  

     When I started this article, I meant to just review plants on campus. Naively, I thought that there would be some pretty flowers out and about at UCCS by now, and I have been proven wrong. Thus, some of the plants in this article are actually on campus and some are not. I will not be specifying which are which.  

     Please treat yourself to a selection featuring a couple nice pretty plants and a whole bunch of weeds and yucca, the best things Colorado can cough up right now.  

  1. “Mom said not to eat those” 

These bushes are immortal, and nothing fazes them. Also, fun fact: once when I was young, I ate one of those weird little berries and I was fine. The third arm actually helps me out a lot. 4/5 stars.  

  1. “Weed (not the kind Devon likes)” 

I hate this. It looks so bad. 1/5 stars.  

  1. “A spiky boy” 

I actually really like yucca. I think it looks cool and it’s one of my favorite native plants. You can also turn one of the leaves into a paintbrush if you pull it off and grind one end with a rock until the strands separate. Learned that in preschool. 5/5 stars.  

  1. “The Living Dead”  

These are cool ivy strands when they stop being brown and lame, but they need to get their act together. Our school has a very disappointing lack of cool ivy. 2.4/5 stars, for motivation.  

  1. “The Achiever” 

See that one blade of grass absolutely crushing it? The one that’s a tiny bit more in focus than the rest? You go, buddy. 4.7/5 stars.  

  1. “Show-off” 

My tulips didn’t do well at all this year, so there’s no need to flex so hard. 1.6/5 stars.  

  1. “Twinkle twinkle little star”  

What a cutie! 4.6/5 stars.  

  1. “The master photographer” 

Don’t look at the foreground, just look at the cool rainy mountains in the background. Mountains 6/5 stars, plant 3.5/5 stars, I guess.  

  1. “The diva” 

This one should have shown up for my fall leaves article. Being fashionably late is one thing, but this is ridiculous. Also, it’s not even a good leaf. 1.4/5 stars.  

  1. “If a tree falls on the UCCS campus, can you hear it from the Scribe office?” 

I don’t know, let’s get an axe. 3/5 stars.  

  1. “The devil in disguise” 

These trees may look beautiful, but they honestly smell really bad when it rains, and I have never figured out why. 3.2/5 stars.  

  1. “You are the Imposter” 

That’s obviously not a real plant. Skeletons aren’t plants. You won’t get me again with that one, dad. Fool me twice, shame on me. 2.37/5 stars. 

  1. “Hmmm” 

Not sure Abby knows what a plant is, but I’ll take what I can get. 3/5 stars. 

  1. “The only green things that are going to be left in a few years” 

Might as well be a plant for as many of these you find on the ground outside. -7/5 stars.  

  1. “A slightly worse spiky boy” 

No shade, Kate, but I like the other one better. Better picture though! 4/5 stars.