While the UCCS Farm bunnies may seem cute and fluffy, they are actually facing serious lop legal action.
UCCS student Sophia Copenhagen is pressing charges against UCCS far bunnies Jaq and Gus Gus for an altercation in which Copenhagen was allegedly scratched, bitten and robbed. The investigation is currently ongoing.
Law enforcement responded to a call about an aggravated robbery at the UCCS Farm in early September. When police arrived at the scene, Jaq and Gus Gus were nestled comfortably in their bedding. According to officers on the scene, Copenhagen was found bleeding and appeared disheveled.
The trial began on Tuesday with plaintiff attorney El Fudd presenting an overview of the case along with evidence, which included graphic photographs of claw marks on Copenhagen’s lower jaw and neck, an empty wallet containing a strand of gray fur and a carrot containing two sets of teeth marks.
There was no video footage to reference, as cameras on the farm were recently shut off due to budget cuts, and the police officers’ body camera footage was dismissed due to the overpowering sounds of construction happening in the parking lot.
Defense attorney Daffy Mallard claims the rabbits acted in self-defense, with Copenhagen attacking them first and falsely accusing them of stealing from her.
“She has bigger things to worry about than suing these poor rabbits,” Mallard said in his opening remarks, “such as the fact she doesn’t even have a dollar to her name. It’s despicable.” Mallard said that Copenhagen’s case was a hare-brained attempt at pushing a clear anti-animal rights agenda.
The UCCS Wellness Center nurse that treated Copenhagen found that her wounds were indeed claw marks and appeared to show signs of a struggle. Copenhagen later explained that the rabbit row ensued over Copenhagen’s lunch, as it was one of the only edible vegan meals on campus.
“I called dibs on that lunch, and that’s legally binding. Somebunny needs to lock them up,” Copenhagen said in her statement. “The whole ‘cute bunny’ thing is a sham. Jaq and Gus Gus are beady-eyed, cold-blooded criminals,” she said.
Copenhagen is demanding one carrot in addition to the other compensatory damages.
Judge Gavoy Sarey encourages any students with information regarding the case to come forward. The next hearing is set for early November.
Evil bunny picture by Josiah Dolan.