UCCS will be holding a ribbon cutting ceremony for the new potholes they plan on introducing to campus.
After roads on campus were in peak condition all summer, administration figured it was time for a completely necessary change, contracting the most expensive construction company they could find to drill into the newly laid pavement.
“It wouldn’t be the same without them,” said shuttle driver Steve Futtles. Futtles was tasked with testing the new potholes before the grand unveiling and reported six flat tires in one week after testing the suspension of the bus on the freshly minted divots. A major success according to administration.
Chancellor Sennifer Jobanet said you could “drop into the potholes on a skateboard,” speaking to their size and depth. The potholes were designed by engineering interns to be nearly impossible to avoid.
“It’s quite a simple design really,” said engineering student Jason Schmitty, puffing on a pipe and punching his ticket to purgatory.
The pothole ceremony will commemorate all the times students thought they were filled right before driving their cars through a moon crater.
“Haven’t noticed them,” said resident F-150 driver Buck Daniel before parking perfectly on the line between a 15-minute and a handicapped spot.
UCCS holds ribbon cutting ceremony for new potholes. Photo by Josiah Dolan.