Facing enrollment decline, administration decided to tackle the biggest and most important challenge the school faces: Its name.
As part of the Strategic Enrollment Plan of 2025, a survey taken by the administration’s finest yes-men concluded that changing the school’s name from UCCS to CU Colorado Springs (CUCS) would solve every problem.
The move has resulted in instant success, as student morale is at an all-time high.
“I was pretty mad at the whole dining hall and parking situation. I wanted to transfer, I’m not going to lie to you, but I am glad to see problems finally being addressed, this makes me hopeful for the CUCS community,” said the only student the Scribble could find walking around campus.
Colorado Springs is not the only place where this name is causing buzz, as students all around the Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference are excited for the change. “Yes, that is an amazing name. Please put it on your jerseys and never change it,” said Colorado Mesa, Colorado School of Mines and Regis University students all in unison.
SGA has already begun adjusting their campaigns to fit the new name, embracing the motto of “At CUCS, we like to C U!”
As CUCS embraces their new identity, administration is adding a chair of the board position to the executive leadership team to usher in the new era.
“The CUCS chair is a new prestigious position we are looking to fill. As we continue our search for this role, we are looking for someone who is great at observing, not quite in touch with the student body but close enough to understand how they feel,” said a member of administration.
Not even the most beloved feline on campus is safe from the rebrand, as Clyde will take on the new identity of Lcyde.
For students used to the UCCS black and gold threads, get ready to see some new hues on campus, as the rebrand will ditch the black and gold for obsidian and pee-pee yellow.
Of course, such a drastic rebrand will come at a cost. It’s projected that tuition fees will go up 30 percent next semester, and an additional dining hall will close in order to afford the cost. Most of that money will be allocated to raises for the CUCS creative team for coming up with these innovative ideas.
This new identity may take a while for students to get used to, but administration and SGA are watching the student population intently, hoping for change. For now, they are CUCS!
Administration’s favorite chair. Photo by Han Jiaoye on Unsplash.