Bumper stickers: the academic review

     It is a truth universally acknowledged that one of the best ways to prove that you have a personality is to put bumper stickers on your car. Now, the world is filled with an assortment of different human beings with different thoughts, feelings, backgrounds and opinions on whether honeydew melon tastes good. (It’s fine, but it’s the worst melon.)  

     The point is that all community members are unique in their own way, and Colorado Springs is no exception. Here is a selection of some car tattoos from around town and their ratings.  

     As it is the end of the year and I can no longer be controlled, I have decided to rate out of 10 points instead of 5 stars, which enables me to take off more points for arbitrary things. I feel at this point there is no need to clarify what standards I will be using, and if you try to figure it out, you’ll get a headache, so don’t bother.  

     One more thing: If your stickers happen to be featured and you don’t like my rating, take a moment to process that your car is more famous than you and go buy some new stickers. Or don’t, it doesn’t matter to me. Live your life.  

  1. “The Vikings fan, I guess” 

Decent assortment, but there are two Vikings stickers and I think we got the point the first time. 6/10.  

  1. “The On-Brand Contribution” 

This person goes to UCCS. Cool! I go there, too! 5/10.  

  1. “Adventure is Out There” 

Outdoorsy, I suppose. Never understood the appeal personally, but solid selection. 7/10.  

  1. “Texas” 

I’m not giving Texas anything higher than a 1. Also, Laramie is in Wyoming. 0.2/10.  

  1. “The Reference” 

This looks like it’s from something, but I don’t recognize it. Points off. 5/10.  

  1. “The Reference I recognize” 

Nerd. 7/10.  

  1. “The Cone of Shame” 

The dog is very good. The picture is bad though, so points off. You can thank my cousin for the lousy quality, because she took it while I was driving. Nice one, Ali. 4/10.  

  1. “An Offer I can’t refuse” 

I like Dutch. 8/10. 

  1. “Fatherhood” 

This person is both a CC dad and a dirtbag. My dad is one of those things. I don’t go to CC. 6.2/10. 

  1. “Fire and Brimstone” 

This is a fun one to see right after you punched your brother in the face to get shotgun first. 4.5/10.  

  1. “Assistant [to the] vehicle driver” 

Points for Dwight. The other ones don’t matter to me in the slightest. 8/10.  

  1. “The Happy Family” 

Every sticker that makes fun of those stupid family pictures is a win in my book. Cheers, madam. 7.3/10.  

  1. “Are you sure this is the best marketing strategy?” 

I just really hate this. 0/10.  

  1. “I like bikes” 

They like bikes. 5.5/10.  

  1. “I want to be this person’s friend” 

I… love this. 10/10, no notes.