I don’t believe there is a single person out there who actually likes the taste of candy corn. There is no way that someone’s favorite Halloween candy, out of all of the options, is the taste of a waxy, orange food dye.
In addition to its pitiful attempt at being a candy, this food completely fails to be corn. Corn, a wonderful vegetable, is commonly yellow and round as it stacks up on the cob. Whoever tried to imitate it via candy completely failed to get the shape and color right. They took something yellow and round and made it a mostly orange triangle.
That’s right. A triangle.
Conspiracy theorists may tell you that these weird, triangle-shaped bits are supposed to represent individual corn bits on a cob, but who is taking the time to stack this candy up into a cob before eating it? We need visual accuracy, now!
Even if the cob creation is the case, candy corn is far too large to be considered accurate to the size of corn. I am very disappointed with this conspiratorial justification for this poor imitation.
If you aren’t convinced that this candy is not even close to corn, then try replacing the corn in your diet with it. There is no fiber in this sugary imitation, another failure to make this “candy” into corn.
This corn charlatan is taking up valuable shelf space that should be reserved for far more deserving Halloween candy favorites. Why would I want a weirdly hard triangle when I could have Reese’s pumpkins, or Reese’s bats, or Reese’s ghosts or Reese’s Christmas trees — the four best Halloween candies.
Besides, candy corn makes much more sense as a Thanksgiving candy. It looks much more like turkey feathers than a piece of corn, and Thanksgiving really needs a win. This holiday with no candy would have the nation rejoicing while the masses rush to grocery stores to buy Thanksgiving Tofurkey Tofeathers.
I have to admit, candy corn works well as fake vomit for Jack O’Lanterns, so I could be convinced to allow it to stick around strictly for cosmetic purposes. Other than for spooky decoration, candy corn needs to be outlawed as of yesterday.
Photo by Mary Jane Duford on Unsplash.