I want to start off here by saying that this is a hill I didn’t know I was willing to die on. I’ve liked candy corn since I was a kid because my grandma would give me some at her house out of a little dish.
I was surprised to discover that a bunch of people hate it so much.
According to Fox 59, candy corn is the most hated Halloween candy, even above hot tamales and atomic fireballs, which are designed to cause actual pain. The study Fox references states that 36% of Americans hate receiving candy corn, which is still a sizeable minority.
I find it interesting that a Halloween-themed candy with a delightfully pliable texture and the tooth-rotting sweetness that we all expect from candy in general has such a bad rap. What’s not to love? It’s cute, it’s sweet and it’s bad for you. End of story.
And how cute it really is! Those little pumpkins, which I consider candy corn, too, are peak design. You have to bite off the little stem first, and then sink your teeth into the perfectly round pumpkin base. It’s hard enough to be satisfying yet soft enough to be easy to eat. Just writing this now is making me want some.
A big argument I’ve discovered here is that people say it tastes like a candle. Are you telling me that in your deepest heart of hearts, you’ve never wanted to eat a candle? Not even a little bit? They smell so delicious and melt so beautifully. They look tasty. The problem is we live in a cursed and broken world where not everything that looks tasty is edible.
Candy corn solves that problem. It’s the candy for all the people who looked at fun textures and thought “I want to eat that, but I can’t because it’s toxic to the human body.” In fairness, candy corn is still toxic to the human body but no more than any other candy.
You can put it anywhere. Scatter it on a table, stick it in a bowl or add it to a little bag. It’s the ultimate mindless snack. Consume it without needing to unwrap it then get up to throw the wrapper away. Is it good for you? Absolutely not. That’s irrelevant.
“It’s too sweet! Wah!” Yes. The point of Halloween is to gorge yourself on candy until you have a sugar crash and regret it for the next week. After a certain point, it becomes less about exquisite taste and more about upping whatever happiness chemicals candy grants you for a couple hours until you hate yourself. What’s more American than that?
If you really want a fancy candy, you can go spend $10 on a bag of them Lindor Truffles, eat one with a dumb little knife and fork and then say “Molto bene” to yourself in a mirror because all your friends are out having fun stuffing their faces with candy corn.
Also, Mashed points out that “the reason for all the hate has less to do with candy corn and more to do with America’s love of arguing.” Psychologists have discussed the fact that American individualism means everyone needs to stand on a strong platform, and people make hating candy corn a personality trait.
So maybe the toxicity isn’t coming from candles or candy corn. Maybe it’s coming from you.
Photo by Mary Jane Duford on Unsplash.