Students request to wear missing Clyde costume amid chilly Halloween weather forecast  

Due to the predicted high of 55 degrees and low of 32 degrees on Halloween, students from all over campus have been requesting to wear the Clyde mascot costume on Halloween to stay warm.  

But no one can find the costume. 

“The weather in this city is insane, and it’s good to be prepared,” senior Kit Kattington said while standing in line for the sign-up form. “It could snow, you never know. It’s the only outfit guaranteed to be warm enough for all weather, partly due to the accumulated sweat and body heat of all who have worn it before.” 

According to an anonymous source in Student Life, the sign-up form in question was never actually posted by UCCS. It was promptly taken down after it had already received 1,000 requests for the Clyde suit.  

“We don’t know how that got there,” the source said. “It would not be possible to rent or lend out Clyde. He’s not a commodity or a party favor.” 

Student Life responded to the clamor by offering out the costume for UCCS’ original mascot, Stretch the Giraffe. But only one student, Reese Pyces, decided to go for it.  

When presented with the Stretch costume, Pyces said it smelled of “rotting meat and stale bones,” raising questions about where it came from before.  

“That’s what happens to old costumes,” Student Life representative Em Andem said when asked about the state of the costume. “They smell weird. I don’t know why we’re making a big deal out of this.” 

Further investigation and DNA testing showed that the Stretch costume was an actual giraffe skin. Following that discovery, a set of giraffe bones was discovered deep in the UCCS catacombs by a team of students who returned with one member missing, Marsha Malloe.  

“There was like a lair or something, it was weird,” Pyces, who led the student investigation, said. “And Marsha still hasn’t come back.” 

When asked for comment, the anonymous source from Student Life responded that “maybe some people shouldn’t poke their delicious noses into things they don’t understand,” before yowling and shuffling back into a cave near Pulpit Rock.   

As of now, the whereabouts of the Clyde costume are unknown, but Pyces is investigating who posted the sign-up sheet for the Clyde costume, why UCCS switched mascots in the first place, if Clyde was ever actually a costume and if he’s standing right behind you.

Photo courtesy of UCCS Photography Database.