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Halloween decorations: The academic review

Happy Halloween, folks! ’Tis the season of spooky and scary; whether that be Pennywise costumes or your midterm grades, it’s not for me to say. Either way, Halloween brings on a season of new decorations that just barely manage to hold back the incoming onslaught of turkeys, Santa Clauses and Mariah Carey.

Here we have a curated selection of some Halloween decorations and their sincere ratings. Please enjoy a few fine examples of autumnal décor offered by our staff.

1. “Spooky, spidery Scribe.”

This isn’t just a fun Halloween decoration. The spiderweb covers the door of our office and makes it harder to see what shenanigans are happening inside. By shenanigans, I mean journalism. 8/10.

2. “A Patriotic Holiday.”

The pumpkins and the skeleton are good, but the flag isn’t on theme. 6/10.

3. “Hotel-loween.”

Taken from a D.C. Marriott. Picture is blurry. To be fair, our copy editor told me she had a less blurry picture, I just decided I didn’t care and I’m taking points off just to be difficult. Thanks Kate! Keep ’em coming. 5/10.

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4. “Spookiest prices in town.”

Go to Trader Joe’s and vote for their pumpkin display. I voted for Beetlejuice. 9/10.

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5. “A dapper gentleman.”

How posh! 8/10.

6. “Good effort.”

Our news editor is really getting into the spirit of the season. You go, Tom. 3/10.

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7. “The pile of leaves from my last article.”

My dad told me to throw these away because he hates cool things. “No, I hate the clutter on my table and whatever bugs you bring into the house,” said a source. 7/10.

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8. “A latte of pumpkins.”

Go vote at the Starbucks pumpkin display on Fillmore, too. 9/10.

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9. “Too early.”

Truly the scariest thing about Halloween is how quickly it all disappears in time for Christmas. 4/10.

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10. “The ghosts of Scribe past.”


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