How to scrape snow off your car like a true Coloradan 

You emerge from deep, deep sleep and roll over to glance out the window. You discover with childlike delight and wonder that the world is covered in a layer of gentle, frothy white.  

You prepare to go to class in 20 minutes, making sure to pull on your warmest coat and warmest boots. You slip the gloves over your hands and carefully pull on a hat. Then, you open your door to confront the winter wonderland… and promptly spend the next 10 minutes jackhammering the ice and snow off your car.  

That’s how it is to be a commuter at a mountain school, baby! Time changes when the weather does. It used to take 15 minutes to get anywhere, now it takes 30. As a born and bred Coloradan, I can tell you the correct way to break through the permafrost that has settled over your car Ice Age style.  

(Also, if you’ve never had to deal with snow before, buy a scraper. You’re going to want a good, strong handle that has both a brushy part and a scrape-y part — they have them everywhere.) 

Step 1: Get irritated 

“I was going to make it to class on time if this didn’t happen,” you think, and you’re correct. Take a second to feel your feelings.  

Step 2: Pry the door open 

Depending on how cold it is, this may be easier or harder. Be prepared to put your foot on your car for leverage as you repeatedly pull at the handle to unstick your frozen door. Just don’t break the handle, or you will have bigger problems.  

Step 3: Turn the car on and crank up the heat 

It helps, unless you have a 2005 car like me that only heats up when I’m accelerating and blasts cold air when I’m at a stop sign. Do what works for you. 

Step 4: Brush off the snow 
 
There’s two, sometimes three, layers you have to get rid of before you’ll be able to see, the first being snow. Take the brushy part of your scraper and brush all that snow off. Be thorough so you can tell exactly what ice underneath isn’t going to budge. 

Step 5: Scrape off the ice 

Take the scrape-y bit and start chipping. This is the most annoying part. You’ll have to work at it. Summon up whatever elbow grease you can and just keep hacking until you reach the windshield. You need to be able to see out of each window and make sure to check the mirrors, too.  

Step 6: Detach your windshield wipers with your hand 

Do NOT run your windshield wipers until you’re sure they aren’t frozen, or they might break. Use your hand to pry them from the windshield.  

Step 7: Start driving before you can truly see 

A real Coloradan looks at the shoddy scrape job they did, says “Yep, that’s fine” and hops into the car. Squint over the windshield through the fist-size hole you were able to make and try to convince yourself it’s a safe amount of visibility.  

Step 8: Stop driving and scrape some more 

Turns out it wasn’t a safe amount of visibility. Just stop at a stop sign, hop out of the car and keep scraping. Hopefully it’s a bit easier. It probably won’t be. Should you have done this earlier? Yes. Will you learn from it? Absolutely not.  

Step 9: Drive (you’re going to skid a little bit, don’t sweat it) 

There will be at least one moment where the car wiggles around on the ice a little bit. C’est la vie. You’ll be fine as long as you’re not driving like an idiot.  

Step 10: Get to your destination late 

“I’m so sorry, the snow slowed me down! This weather, huh?” Perfectly valid, and so is the fact that you should have left more time for the drive. Again — you will not learn from this.  

Photo courtesy of ABC News.