OP: How do we find who we truly are?

1 October 2019

Abby Jadali

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Imagine walking the world with someone by your side. Now imagine walking it by yourself. Which one sounds more appealing to you? I promise there is no right or wrong answer.

Each one of us either appreciates the company of someone or appreciates the time we get to spend by ourselves, or we may even be crazy enough to enjoy both. But when it comes to learning more about ourselves, what is the best way to do so?

In the article All About Love by Bell Hooks in the Harper Perennial, it says that life without communion in love with others would be less fulfilling no matter the extent of one’s self-love. Which basically is telling us that no matter how much self-love you may have, you are not yet complete until someone else can find love in you.

I am going to play devil’s advocate here because I do not want to tell you which one is more important. What I want to do is put this idea in your mind so you can make your own assumptions of your correct response: the one that makes the most sense to you.

When we find self-love, we are putting ourselves in a position of looking in the mirror and appreciating the person who is staring back. We can embrace the imperfections for what they are and enhance the greatness that makes up who we are. This is not the easiest thing to do and, in fact, you might truly never get to it. It will become a constant practice in your life and a goal you are always achieving.

You may be thinking one of two things: ‘This is enough for me to find myself’ or ‘I need someone else to help me truly find out who I am.’

When we bring someone else into our lives, specifically in a romantic sense, we are embracing them into everything that we are. We usually are not holding back and we are trying to be our most authentic selves around this person. They are doing the same; they are putting all of themselves out to us and showing us their most authentic self.

When this happens, we notice who we are around this person. We begin to see the imperfections they have and the imperfections we have when we are around them, and in so doing, we allow ourselves the chance to decide if we want that. Is that the ultimate way for us to find ourselves?

Is it possible to be able to see the person we truly are when we are alone as we would see it if we were with another person? Is the person who is alone the same as the one who is with another? (I want to clarify that I do not mean a lonely person).

I want you to ponder this because I want this to be a rhetoric that you find important to know. We are always told that we need to love ourselves before we love another, but then we are told that we should be independent. So why are we doing something that will prepare us to no longer be independent? Is it because we cannot get to a true place of self-knowledge without the help of another? Or is that last step not important?

Think about this and find out the kind of person you are or the person you want to be. There is nothing wrong with finding yourself through another just like there is nothing wrong with finding yourself by yourself. Seek out an answer so you can learn how to be the best version of yourself.