Pickup truck overtakes 1998 Subaru Outback for most-driven car in Colorado

May 8, 2018

The 1998 Subaru Outback, a long-time staple of Colorado highways, has been replaced as the most-driven car in Colorado.

    Big, refitted pickup trucks driving on tires 6 inches larger than they were designed for are the new kings of I-25. Over 14 billion have been sold.

    These big trucks, often manufactured to fight back the seemingly endless fear of being perceived to be less manly than one actually is, have lower fuel economy, lower range and better capability in towing than the 1998 Subaru Outback.

    The Outback, with its fake-looking air intake on the hood and multi-colored exterior, was dropped as Colorado’s choice vehicle because it lacked a certain feeling of muscle and raw manliness that a jacked-up Ram 1500 conveys with its very presence.

    “Driving down I-25, I just feel so much better than I do in an Outback,” said Chaz Bloomington, who traded in his 1998 Subaru Outback for the Ram 1500 with a lifted chassis.

    “I feel much more secure in my body, and the constant pressure from society to be an emotionless country boy who only reacts with anger and frustration has faded away since I’ve purchased that truck.”

   Bloomington gazed at his “Co-Exist” and “My Dog is a Democrat” stickers affectionately.

    The most common reason for purchasing a lifted truck is the “constant sense of not being seen as strong by peers, lingering endlessly in the back of one’s mind slowly chipping away at the confidence they once held as a third-grader at recess, before being forced into a small box of aggressiveness and oversized trucks,” reports Few Polls.

    The 1998 Subaru Outback has been placed on the endangered species list and the Ram 1500 is the new king of the jungle.