23 April 2019
My relationships are as follows: the boy in a baby body (and mind), the frat guy with commitment issues and a juuling obsession, the boy that pretended to have cancer so I wouldn’t break up with and the SoundCloud rapper that came out of the closet while we were dating.
Dating is rough, and then there’s my dating history: this should make you all feel better about yourselves.
The baby-faced boy played Fortnite nonstop every time we had a “date” and his mother picked out all of his outfits for him.
The frat guy with commitment issues and a juuling problem is now in rehab.
The boy that pretended to have cancer is still scheming and has a new girlfriend that he can guilt trip (poor thing).
The SoundCloud rapper that came out of the closet is now back in the closet, dating other girls for only a month maximum, and released a song that he wrote about me (on SoundCloud of course). One of the lyrics is literally “she was crazy,” which I thought was super creative and original; so I guess I really left an impression on that one.
If your love life is horrendous and a bit hilarious, just know that you are not the only one. I’m currently single and waiting for the next strange boyfriend to come along so I can have more interesting stories to tell.