Satire: Joy’s Jumbled Judgment

23 April 2019

Joy Webb

jwebb4@uccs.edu

    My relationships are as follows: the boy in a baby body (and mind), the frat guy with commitment issues and a juuling obsession, the boy that pretended to have cancer so I wouldn’t break up with and the SoundCloud rapper that came out of the closet while we were dating.    

    Dating is rough, and then there’s my dating history: this should make you all feel better about yourselves.

    The baby-faced boy played Fortnite nonstop every time we had a “date” and his mother picked out all of his outfits for him.

    The frat guy with commitment issues and a juuling problem is now in rehab.

    The boy that pretended to have cancer is still scheming and has a new girlfriend that he can guilt trip (poor thing).

    The SoundCloud rapper that came out of the closet is now back in the closet, dating other girls for only a month maximum, and released a song that he wrote about me (on SoundCloud of course). One of the lyrics is literally “she was crazy,” which I thought was super creative and original; so I guess I really left an impression on that one.

    If your love life is horrendous and a bit hilarious, just know that you are not the only one. I’m currently single and waiting for the next strange boyfriend to come along so I can have more interesting stories to tell.

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