In a revolutionary new discovery, researchers have discovered that college is hard.
“I didn’t think it would be like this,” said communications student Janice Gorber. Gorber has been doing “back-breaking” work for her major all day, filling in over two coloring books.
Students all over UCCS campus are beginning to catch the news that college isn’t what they thought it was.
“This whole time, I thought it was easy, but now? I don’t know what to do,” said mechanical engineer Von Dippner. Dippner has the highest GPA in his whole engineering class with a 2.5 and completes 40 hours of homework a week.
Students are agreeing that college, a world away from high school, seems to be a “real tough customer.” They are planning to attack the challenge in a plethora of ways.
“I’m dropping out,” said Mandy Martinez, a business major, who caught wind of the news and immediately started packing her bags. Other students have their eyes set on jobs that may take them as far away as Academy Boulevard.
“Is TJ Maxx still hiring? Platte Avenue seems like a great place to start a family,” said underwater television major Sandy Planck. Planck was going to transfer to UCCS from Harvard, but after the recent allegations, is having second thoughts over concerns she won’t be able to handle the courseload.
“College may be hard,” said culinary studies and anatomy major Cameron Donner, pausing mid-sentence. “But there is nothing we can do about it.” He then mentioned something about getting a snack and started wandering toward the anatomy labs.
At press time, college was still hard.
Students study at the Kraemer Family Library. Photo by Josiah Dolan.