On Tuesday, students in the library received quite a shock when a couple of alligators walked on in.
The alligators arrived on campus as part of the university’s “De-stress” events. As worries over low attendance at university-hosted events grow, UCCS has been taking drastic measures to keep students entertained.
“We thought they might like a little something different. All the alligators are on leashes anyway. I didn’t think anything could go wrong. Plus, they had such cute names. How can you say no to Rager and Ransom?” said librarian Betty Bookerson.
At first nothing went wrong, but the scene descended into chaos when Rager, one of the alligators, broke free of his leash and started chomping at chair legs. This caused mass hysteria. One of the students in the library recounted her personal encounter with Rager.
“All I’m trying to do is write an essay,” said sophomore Juliet Montaug. “Then all of a sudden, I noticed this alligator right next to me looking at me like I was its next meal. I’ve never moved so fast in my life.”
According to witnesses, students and staff in the library climbed to safety on tables and stairs as they watched Randy (no last name found), the alligator’s handler, try to track Rager down. In the chaos, Ransom, the larger of the two gators, managed to escape her leash and crash through the glass doors of the library adding a piercing alarm to the stressful scene.
Soon the owner of the alligators, Joe (no last name found), arrived with lassoes to tie the gators down. Students were encouraged by Joe to participate in the hunt to gain “real world experience,” though all declined.
After a stressful 45 minutes and a wrestling match on the East Lawn, the gators were once again leashed up. Before leaving, Joe and Randy encouraged the students to spend time with the gators.
“They’re real nice gators,” Randy said. “They only ever try to take your arm off every once in a while.”
When asked to comment on the situation, Joe simply took a moment to plug his business. “If you liked these gators, you should come on down to Joe’s Zoo and Pawn Shop. We got exotic animals and entirely normal reptiles.”
The university declined to comment on the event.
Alligator. Photo courtesy of The Nature Conservancy.