After multiple students asked for help on finding a book, the Kramer Family Library staff devised a plan to minimize the time spent looking for different resources in the library: demolish the library in favor of one giant book.
“Now, every time some asks for our copy of “True Detective Season 1,” we just direct them to the 70-foot-tall book that’s been erected where the library once stood. It’s simpler this way,” said Justin Booker, a UCCS librarian. The book cost $40 million to construct, or about half of a vice chancellor’s salary.
The book contains the contents of every written work that was in the previous library’s collection, as well as three billion extra pages to fill in the future, should more books be written.
Since the book contains the content of every reserved book that was in KFL, there is currently a digital line of 4,000 people waiting to check out the book. Students have been employing drones to scan textbook pages so they can say they tried to do the reading.
“I look smart when I read it,” said education major Liam Planter, reading the book upside down. Other students have had more dismayed reactions.
“I hate the pop-up sections, they keep eclipsing the sun,” said astronomy major John Brinker, adjusting his telescope to point directly at the sun.
According to Booker, students who wish to use the book must have a commercial driver license, as it requires a semi-truck to turn each page. The font is 12-point Times New Roman.
The book is also riddled with Cliff Notes which students can climb to ascend to about 60 feet off the ground to read various texts.
At press time, the book has been reported as missing after being checked out by a Liesel Meminger. According to Booker, Meminger will be charged a late fee of $4 million, or roughly half a semester’s worth of tuition.
Graphic created by Joseph Impellitteri.
Editor’s Note: the Scribble is the satire section at the Scribe. All contents of the article are fictitious.
2025-03-03