UCCS students soon to tunnel

Nov. 15, 2010

Jessica Lynch
[email protected]

In response to the coming winter weather, construction at UCCS has picked up the pace in an attempt to finish tunneling by late November. The idea was first proposed by Katie Toother, a senior engineering student. Toother’s inspiration, as she explained, started at an early age.

“When I was a little girl I liked to burrow in the snow like a groundhog. I would get down on my hands and knees and dig out places for the living room, bathroom and my bedroom.”

These early memories — or delusions — were brought to Chancellor Pat Shocker-Zanzabar’s attention last month after Toother was seen on her hands and knees in the lawn outside the Shavano Apartments.

With Toother’s guidance, a tunnel to connect Alpine Village to the University Center is currently underway. The entrance will be located next to the apartment’s trash bins and will travel in a straight line, with the occasional bathroom stop, directly to the mountain lion statue. A coffee bar is expected directly beneath the Recreation Center and will carry Starbucks and Pikes Perk products. Students living in the dorms will also have easy access to the tunnel, though the exact location of entry has yet to be decided.

Zanzabar believes these efforts will boost class room attendance and the school’s overall GPA. “I remember skipping class to roll around in the covers with a boy because I knew it would be too cold outside,” she explained. “I could have been President if I’d gone to my politics class more,” she lamented.

Construction of an additional tunnel between the University Center and Dwire Hall will be finished mid-December. If things go according to plan, a tunnel will be built to connect all major buildings on campus by fall 2011.

Jeffrey Humpfrey, a sophomore living in the apartments further explained, “This will give me an excuse to leave girls’ apartments early in the morning instead of staying to cuddle. I hate cuddling. Before, they all knew I didn’t have anywhere to go. Now, I’ll actually go to class. This is awesome.”

Both students and professors expect to spend long, unnecessary amounts of time in the tunnels.