Advice from Chickie: How to stand up to your friends

Hi Chickie,  

I am having a hard time asking my friends to pay me back for gas money. How do I breach that conversation without seeming too abrasive?  



Hi Becca,  

     Thank you for reaching out and feeling comfortable asking me this question. To start off I think that this is a very hard task to do, however, it is important. Asking for what you deserve is not something that you should feel uncomfortable asking for. While I say this, I do know that taking that first step can be difficult.  

     We have all been there, when we feel as though we are being taken advantage of. When it comes to a friendship, you want to make sure that you bring up the topic when you are in a place that the conversation can’t get out of control. The best place to do this is in public because there is less chance of a scene or argument.  

     Asking for money can be nerve-racking but if you are supposed to be owed then you should feel empowered to do so. Another way to go about this is to bring up the idea of an alternating driving schedule. Don’t be afraid to ask if someone else could drive. If they choose to say “no” to that idea, then that is when you bring up the topic of paying for gas money.  

     Tone is the driving force of this conversation because if you come on too strong then it could come off as too aggressive. You want to bring up the topic in a way that is casual but forward. A good way to go about this would be to say, “Hey, so I have been the one driving us around most of the time and while I am fine with that, I would really appreciate it if you could please start pitching in for gas money.”  

    This establishes an appropriate and mature way of putting your foot down. Having you be their driving chauffer may not be their intention, but it is time to stop being their doormat and take control of the situation. This conversation will be uncomfortable, but you cannot beat around the bush with this one. Stand tall, chin high and radiate confidence.  

Your friend,