Nothing makes me feel less human than LinkedIn.
LinkedIn is a social network for job seekers and job givers. It allows members to create profiles and “connect” with each other online. These connections are meant to mimic real-world professional connections.
In theory, this makes sense; we live in a semi-virtual world and an Internet presence has become important to securing a job. I do have a LinkedIn account because college has made it a necessity. Beyond graduation, I do not plan on continuing to grow my professional identity online.
LinkedIn is all about networking, reminding me of that old age business adage: It’s not what you know, but who you know.
That’s right, kids: You want to succeed in life? Go ahead and make fake, totally engineered relationships with people you could not care less about. They use you for personal gain; you use them. Money is on the line. Good luck!
You can also purchase the LinkedIn premium package, which will enable you to, and I quote, “build your network and manage your reputation” and “get ahead.” Go on, grovel and leave the losers in the dust and pay up as little as $40 a month, you working-class mongrel. Your reputation is in need of a little TLC so might I suggest a more flattering headshot of yourself?
I am being satirical, but the sentiment is real.
LinkedIn is every workplace professional development and workshop on steroids. It constantly inundates users on how to build better resumes, how to improve skills, how to be better speakers, how to be better, better, better. It prides itself on breeding employee robots who ask, daily, “How may I, a lowly job seeker, appear superior while still appearing willfully inferior to the job givers?”
It all feels so superficial. LinkedIn tells me how many profile views I have received and how often I appear in search results. It tells me how exactly to show recruiters I am open to work. (Seriously, “recruiters?”)
An employer should decide to hire me on because of my disposition and work ethic, my past relevant work experience and my obvious passion for the work – not because of how many followers I have accrued on a social media network, or my connection to Mr. Big Shot, or how many licenses and certifications I have completed via LinkedIn Learning.
Workplace politics already exists in real-life. How silly of me to think I could escape it online.