Autumn leaves: the academic review

Ellie Myers 
Emyers2@uccs.edu 

     One of the best parts of fall is seeing the leaves turn a variety of colors as they slowly expire and float, lifeless to the ground, then stepping on them. However, as college is a space for higher intellectual pursuits and an elevated form of thinking, I propose that instead of simply stomping on leaves this year, we take the time to examine the foliage around us and truly realize its full potential for thoughtful criticism.  

     The Scribe has wasted many frivolous reviews on things like movies and local eateries, but here at the Scribble, we have a more refined palate. So, what follows is a selection of autumn’s offerings this year, with a sincere and thoughtful rating for each leaf based on aesthetic value. With over 11 years of fall experience, I will appoint myself a worthy judge.  

  1. A strong beginning. This leaf is pleasantly consistent in shape, with the slight brown tint of a yellow leaf that has been lightly toasted.  

Rating: 3.5/5 stars 

  1. Somewhat underwhelming. The color is a nice maroon, but it could be brighter.  

Rating: 2.5/5 stars 

  1. Nice yellow, but too shriveled.  

Rating: 3/5 stars 

  1. This one was a lot cooler yesterday. I never reward lack of commitment.  

Rating: 2/5 stars 

  1. Uninspiring brown, weird shape, blurry picture.  

Rating: 1.5/5 stars 

  1. A little more of an exciting brown, but it could have gone for orange and didn’t. Unremarkable shape.  

Rating: 2.5/5 stars 

  1. Neat color, neat texture, bad lighting.  

Rating: 3/5 stars 

  1. This one was my dad’s favorite, and I hate agreeing with him.  

Rating: 0/5 stars 

  1. 9 points – 1 for each leaf! Except I’m taking 2 off because the color faded.  

Rating: 3.5/5 stars 

  1. This right here is a wonderful leaf. Lovely shape, lovely fade from red to pink to green without being tacky, interesting spot pattern adding texture. Excellent work.  

Rating: 4.5/5 stars 

  1. Soooo last season.  

Rating: 1.5/5 stars 

  1. This is what 11 could have been if I hadn’t plucked it directly off a tree in my backyard. Wasted potential.  

Rating: 3.5/5 stars 

  1. Moldy looking. Ugh.  

Rating: 1/5 stars 

  1. Meh.  

Rating: 2/5 stars 

  1. Crunch crunch. Great when it’s on the sidewalk, not what I’m looking for.  

Rating: 1.5/5 stars 

  1. Really neat colors, even when crunchy! 

Rating: 3.5/5 stars 

  1. Like 16, except I like the colors better.  

Rating: 4/5 stars 

  1. This one was when I finally wised up and started pressing fresh leaves, so they kept their color and shape. Looks really nice, but it isn’t juicy anymore and I don’t like the lighting.  

Rating: 3.5/5 stars 

  1. The red’s nice, but it faded a lot. I honestly only kept this so I would have 20 pictures.  

Rating: 3/5 stars 

  1. Not a leaf.  

Rating: 2/5 stars