The Business of College hosted Leprechaun activist Sir Luck E. Charms to give a talk on the ethics of gold hunting. Charms outlined the dark history of gold digging and ongoing challenges to Leprechauns, including climate change and violence.
Charms is an accomplished advocate of Leprechaun rights. He has spoken at various universities in countries across the world, excluding England.
Along with being a published academic, Charms is a world-renowned creative.
Charms produces music focused on spreading his message. His songs work to encourage a broader dialogue about Leprechauns’ contributions to popular culture beyond the cereal aisle. His innovative sound has been dubbed “sham-rock.”
According to Charms, his family inspired him to pursue activism. “I wanted to help the people I love. I owe all of my success to my wonderful partner,” Charms said. The pair credits their healthy relationship to a robust pre-nuptial agreement and separate bank accounts.
The talk began with a reflection on the history of illegal gold hunts. According to Charms, the fascination with Leprechaun gold has historical roots in the United States. The Gold Rush, the Bretton Woods System and the “Golden Girls” systematically introduced the metal into the consciousness of Americans.
“Gold has been the subject of much attention, and that translated into deeply unethical searches for Leprechaun gold,” Charms said, adding that historically, gold has been dug up from its hiding places and stolen by humans to create gaudy Jared heart necklaces.
Charms called for an end to this practice and for humans to respect the private property of Leprechauns.
Climate change also poses a considerable threat to Leprechauns. As rainfall continues to decrease in regions across the country, Leprechauns will struggle to find rainbows suitable enough to place their pots of gold at the end of. “Carbon emissions are hurting the planet. Go green, people,” Charms said.
Holes in the ozone layer have also become a cause for concern. Addressing reduced cloud cover and protection from the sun’s harmful ultraviolet rays is one of Charm’s primary focuses. “Either we work together to reverse the effects of climate change, or scientists will need to develop SPF strong enough to protect ginger Leprechauns, but we aren’t hopeful about that,” he said.
Charms also called for an end to pinching on St. Patrick’s Day. The violent tradition was started to shame people for not wearing green on the holiday. Depending on the strength of the person pinching, the contact can be considered a felony.
“I am a pacifist, so I reject that practice. Nobody under the age of 21 knows when the exact day is anyway. End playground pinching wars,” Charms said.
Charms ended the talk by encouraging people to build community and work alongside each other to address the issues that are plaguing Leprechauns. He cited the golden rule.
There was only one person in attendance — me. Free food was provided at the event, but the raw potatoes and pints of Guinness were quickly removed due to food and workplace code violations.
For more information about events hosted by the Business of College, visit their website here.
Editor’s Note: Scribble is the satirical section of the Scribe.
Sir Charms at a parade. Photo courtesy of Live Science.