Summer plants: the academic review

As the seasons change, I like to take some time to acknowledge the lingering summer plants before their leaves turn different colors and get objectively more awesome. Then I plan on rating those, but none of the plants are ready for that yet, except for a couple random yellow leaves here and there that need to calm down.

I make no secret of the fact that I prefer colder temperatures because it means I get to wear sweaters and look at clouds, but I will miss the plants when they all die, so let us take some time to give them the recognition they deserve.

Also, I have no idea where my colleagues are finding these plants, but they might look a little avant-garde. Buckle up.

1. “The Mark of Academia.”

Ivy makes me feel like I’m truly at college learning important things, and I wish we had more of it. 10/10.

2. “The Arid Climate Gardener’s Friend.”

I love me a good succulent garden, and they’re awful cute. The only thing is everyone tells you that they’re super easy to take care of, and mine keep dying. These aren’t mine, they’re too healthy. 8/10.

3. “The Main Character.”

As a picture and a concept, this is beautifully symbolic of persistence in the face of adversity and nature reclaiming its own. As a feature in this article, screw it. What is this, English Lit? 5/10.

4. “The Fossil.”

I’m not sure if this is technically a fossil but I call it like I see it. It looks like the dinosaur of plants. (As opposed to the plant dinosaur, which we all know is, of course, the stegosaurus.) 6/10.

5. “Hawaiian Punch.”

This looks fake. 3/10.

6. “Lamp.”

I’d care more about lamps if I were a moth, but unfortunately, I’m not. Moths can’t type. 3.727/10.

7. “A Hoppin’ Party Spot”

This looks like an optimal frog gathering place to me. 11/10.

8. “The Masterpiece.”

Awww you guys, it’s so cute! No criticism here. 12/10.

9. “The Imposter.”

This plant lookin’ kinda sus. I like its ears. 10/10.

10. “The Flawless.”

These are a few of my flowers that didn’t die. I love them. 14/10.