Satire: My roommate is a ghost and no one cares

A Letter to the Editor or whoever looks over the horribly written Scribble website,  

     UCCS is the strangest school in southern Colorado Springs, and I’ve only been here since the fall of 2020. In that time, there have been parties thrown for Sandwich Day, a professor was found to be the reincarnation of Geoffrey Chaucer and Jeff Bezos is now our chancellor. WTF.  

     To make things worse, I got a new roommate last semester. On most occasions I wouldn’t care. I have no qualms over meeting someone new, and possibly becoming friends with them. But my roommate is a ghost. Yes, he is dead. And yes, he is floating above my bed every night in a white sheet making that creepy noise that ghosts make.  

     Last spring my former roommate graduated. His name was Dave, and he was cool. The ghost’s name is Gary. He pronounces it “Garrrryyyy” in that ghostly manner similar to the fake ghosts in “Scooby Doo.” 

     I thought it was a joke at first. I tried to rip the sheet off his head. It didn’t work as my hand went through his body. I tried again. He just laughed at me. I tore the room apart expecting there to be a projector hidden somewhere. There was nothing, and he just laughed at me.  

     I tried to tell my RA about my problem, but they acted like I was crazy as they talked about how much they love Gary. Security acted the same way. One person in the building said I was a bigot for being afraid of Gary, and another called me weak for being afraid of him. He said I have too much time on my hands to worry about it.  

     Chancellor Bezos said that he does all he can to keep Gary as a loyal member of UCCS, claiming that he is one of Amazon’s best customers.  

     Which is true as there are boxes delivered every day to our dorm room. I’m sick and tired of it. What would a ghost need 20 Keurig machines for?  

     Since I’m majoring in psychology and minoring in Amazon analytics, I decided to email a professor of mine about why people are acting normal over the fact that there is a freakin’ ghost in my room.  

     Here is what Professor I’mAlive Johnson wrote to me, “March 2020 was the breaking point for a lot of people. We all knew that the political divide in the country was the cause of much pain. But nowhere in any of our times did we suspect that one day our lives would stop due to a virus we knew very little about and one that we still know very little about.”  

     He continued, “When one unbelievable thing occurs it makes it easier for people to believe the next thing. And it goes on and on until reality, despite not making any sense, begins to make sense. I believe it’s called the ‘Hot Hand Fallacy’ or some shit like that.”  

     His answer was not good enough for me. Nowhere in his email did he explain why there is a ghost in my room that everyone accepts as normal. I will say he is the best writer in my creative writing class. I mean he rivals F. Scott Fitzgerald; he’s that good in my opinion. 

     The point still stands. Can anyone explain to me why no one is acting strange about this? Hello! Can anyone hear me?